When I started recording my children’s
milestone online (Facebook, Instagram etc), my ultimate intention was to have
their journey saved online for them to read in future and share with possibly
their own children even long after I am gone. The second reason was to share my
excitement of with the rest of my virtual family and of course to encourage
young mummies like me on what to look out for at every stage of their child’s
growth. It is extremely sad to see this gesture
misconstrued and understood to mean” bragging” or trying to make other
mums jealous.
A friend recently reached out to
me to complain that each time she reads my post about my child’s milestone, she
feels like her own child isn’t trying enough or she is not getting something
right. She also narrated how our other mutual friend shared the same exact sentiment
as her. Having personally been a victim of being the 'only real one' in the world
of competitive mothers, where every other baby seemed to be the Einstein in the
making and it sounded like I’d be lucky if mine starts walking by secondary
school. I figured I should stop the
publications and find other ways to save these journeys for future references. However,
it hit me recently, that the reason behind the journey was far more significant
than the misunderstanding. I also wondered why I should stop something I started
based on my planned parenting style to accommodate someone’s complex?
I couldn’t wrap my head around
why I'd dim my light into oblivion because another person thinks it’s too bright.
I could say more but I am not going to elaborate it beyond this point. The
bottom line is that I am not going to rub my children the opportunity of
reading their childhood/baby stories because I share a virtual space with someone
with insecurities.
It is very normal to worry about
your child’s development. It is healthy for every parent to want their child to
grow and flourish like healthy children. But, if these are not checked you can
be boxed into a vulnerability to the point of seeing your precious healthy
children as inferior to the other babies. Like I said earlier I have been in
the midst of mums who I thought were competitive because of the way they
presented their kids like they’re mastering the arts of playing violins while I
was earnestly praying for mine to be able to babble a few incoherent words. I had
to consistently remind myself that my kids are wonderful and develop at their
own pace.
Once you are pushed to the point
where you begin to pressure them to behave a certain way, achieve a certain milestone
etc you’d inadvertently instill low self-worth in them and a constant desire to
be like someone else.
You have to note (I hope it
brings you relief) that the speed with which babies reach their developmental
milestone has absolutely no relationship with their future intelligence or physical
strength. Even twins develop at varying pace. The idea however, is not to make you complacent
as a parent to the point of overlooking obvious medical concerns. I will write
another article of this (later today) hopefully.
To be more emphatic, let me state
categorically that I will not stop documenting and sharing my child’s milestone
because you feel it dwarfs yours. Let me also state it again ‘babies
develop at their own sweet pace’. Your job is to enjoy every stage of
your child’s development and make it memorable. And possibly document it for
them to read up in the future.
While we are at it, let me
announce that my daughter Kerenma is now nine months old! A journey of nine
months brought her and she has concluded a nine months journey. How exciting!
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